How to get out of a (dating) rut? Get out!
Take A Hike , Literally!
Stay away from bars and the Internet and take it to the dirt road.
Most urban areas have concrete trails that work wonders too. You get plenty of practice smiling and nodding to passers by. In fact you should practice being cordial to everyone and not just a potential dating prospect.
Be sure to leave your iPod at home or cell phone to the off position. You don't want to be distracted if you happen to meet a certain someone who is looking to get out of a (dating) rut too!
Maybe you wont meet someone on the run but you may be setting up a good healthy ritual for you and your future partner to do on a Sunday afternoon.
Let's Go Bowling
Or golfing, or ice skating, or to a museum, or an aquarium. Break your mold and be a kid again.
More grown up than that? Take a local wine tour or take a train ride to a nearby city.
Look up the city you live in and act like a tourist. You may not meet anyone out on your mini-trip but you are well on your way to interesting conversation on your next date. You may want to take them along next time. Maybe scout out a restaurant for you and your next date to go to.
Be a Tourist
Getting back to trains, take a solo ride to go to a bookstore or favorite restaurant for lunch or some window shopping.
Would you believe you could meet someone who is from your area in another city close by who is also wondering around seeing the sites? See if you can't vistit somewhere you would consider living just in case sparks fly.
Be an extreme tourist and go cross country or overseas. Even if you don't meet the love of your life in your travels, you have great pictures to show them later.
Up the Ante
Walk up to someone who doesn't look hurried and tell them you want to buy them lunch or coffee. Yes, women too! You could actually be more on the sly and tip a barista extra to ask the gentleman or lady if they would like a warmer on their coffee and a pastry.
You may only get a thank you, but who knows you may drinking coffee or eating lunch with them on a regular basis!
Resisting Rebounds
Being a rebound rarely ever works!
What can you do to be practical and not get your heart trampled on?
Two things, wait until later or resist the rebound!
Resisting the Rebound
How do you know when you are a rebound?
First you need to subtly investigate a persons dating history. Flat out ask them! When was the last relationship you were in? How long did it last?
In conversation they will drop you hints about this person and refer to them by name. Yes, by name! Probably not over the healing process quite yet so you may want to proceed with caution.
Ask, Ask, Ask
When was the last time you volunteered personal information?
Ask them "Do you hope to be with them again in the future?" You can figure out the answer to that one on your own. Depending on what you are looking for, do you want to be temporary or permanent?
It's ok to ask them how much contact they have with their ex. Especially if they were a big impact on their life. You can differentiate how influential an ex was to someone and when the two of them were idly passing time. Find out!
The questions to ask are "How did you get into such and such a hobby?" It's ok if the former flame introduced them to the idea but if the topic revolves around how great the ex is doing whatever it is they are doing, again, they are on the rebound.
Timing
If you overlook this part you will enter a world of hurt for yourself.
Did they break up with an ex to start dating you? Were the two of you together before they were broken up?
Ironically time is not what most people think. Some people can drop an ex in a matter of weeks, it's whats called "checking out." They are present in body but not in spirit.
For others years will not put a dent in the way they feel about someone. Two years can go by. Obviously the chances of making a relationship work are better for you but they are not a tell tale sign if they are over their ex or not.
It's ok if they complain about a past lover as long as they don't go into too much detail. It's a delicate balance between your being self assured and there intent in revealing the issue.
Engagement
Not an engagement for marriage but being engaged in life.
Do you belong in their life? Do they make an effort to include you in their daily routine? Out with friends? Important functions?
Are they AWOL day and by weeks end are emotionally sponging off you? You are their security pillow when no other is around. They want to go through the motions of the last relationship they had but that person is not in the picture anymore.
Out of the blue do you get a phone call that they will be around the ex for a bit because the two of them are helping each other out with a problem?
That is what you are supposed to be there for. If they seek it elsewhere, especially with an ex, think about where your heart is and mabye back off from what you were expecting or from what you really wanted.
Moving On
The best way to create space or break up with anyone that you really like and hold no contempt for is tell them:
"The timing is not right for us/me/you right now. Maybe we should try this at a later date and see what happens. Call me in the future and see if I am available."
Let them call you. They will know when they are over with the previous relationship. Don't fall for the trap of being the fall guy or girl. That is the crutch until the heart heals.
Start all over again in the dating process and take it slow. Investigate if you think it will be worth it to move on with this person and take it to the next level.
What can you do to be practical and not get your heart trampled on?
Two things, wait until later or resist the rebound!
Resisting the Rebound
How do you know when you are a rebound?
First you need to subtly investigate a persons dating history. Flat out ask them! When was the last relationship you were in? How long did it last?
In conversation they will drop you hints about this person and refer to them by name. Yes, by name! Probably not over the healing process quite yet so you may want to proceed with caution.
Ask, Ask, Ask
When was the last time you volunteered personal information?
Ask them "Do you hope to be with them again in the future?" You can figure out the answer to that one on your own. Depending on what you are looking for, do you want to be temporary or permanent?
It's ok to ask them how much contact they have with their ex. Especially if they were a big impact on their life. You can differentiate how influential an ex was to someone and when the two of them were idly passing time. Find out!
The questions to ask are "How did you get into such and such a hobby?" It's ok if the former flame introduced them to the idea but if the topic revolves around how great the ex is doing whatever it is they are doing, again, they are on the rebound.
Timing
If you overlook this part you will enter a world of hurt for yourself.
Did they break up with an ex to start dating you? Were the two of you together before they were broken up?
Ironically time is not what most people think. Some people can drop an ex in a matter of weeks, it's whats called "checking out." They are present in body but not in spirit.
For others years will not put a dent in the way they feel about someone. Two years can go by. Obviously the chances of making a relationship work are better for you but they are not a tell tale sign if they are over their ex or not.
It's ok if they complain about a past lover as long as they don't go into too much detail. It's a delicate balance between your being self assured and there intent in revealing the issue.
Engagement
Not an engagement for marriage but being engaged in life.
Do you belong in their life? Do they make an effort to include you in their daily routine? Out with friends? Important functions?
Are they AWOL day and by weeks end are emotionally sponging off you? You are their security pillow when no other is around. They want to go through the motions of the last relationship they had but that person is not in the picture anymore.
Out of the blue do you get a phone call that they will be around the ex for a bit because the two of them are helping each other out with a problem?
That is what you are supposed to be there for. If they seek it elsewhere, especially with an ex, think about where your heart is and mabye back off from what you were expecting or from what you really wanted.
Moving On
The best way to create space or break up with anyone that you really like and hold no contempt for is tell them:
"The timing is not right for us/me/you right now. Maybe we should try this at a later date and see what happens. Call me in the future and see if I am available."
Let them call you. They will know when they are over with the previous relationship. Don't fall for the trap of being the fall guy or girl. That is the crutch until the heart heals.
Start all over again in the dating process and take it slow. Investigate if you think it will be worth it to move on with this person and take it to the next level.
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