How to get out of a (dating) rut? Get out!
Take A Hike , Literally!
Stay away from bars and the Internet and take it to the dirt road.
Most urban areas have concrete trails that work wonders too. You get plenty of practice smiling and nodding to passers by. In fact you should practice being cordial to everyone and not just a potential dating prospect.
Be sure to leave your iPod at home or cell phone to the off position. You don't want to be distracted if you happen to meet a certain someone who is looking to get out of a (dating) rut too!
Maybe you wont meet someone on the run but you may be setting up a good healthy ritual for you and your future partner to do on a Sunday afternoon.
Let's Go Bowling
Or golfing, or ice skating, or to a museum, or an aquarium. Break your mold and be a kid again.
More grown up than that? Take a local wine tour or take a train ride to a nearby city.
Look up the city you live in and act like a tourist. You may not meet anyone out on your mini-trip but you are well on your way to interesting conversation on your next date. You may want to take them along next time. Maybe scout out a restaurant for you and your next date to go to.
Be a Tourist
Getting back to trains, take a solo ride to go to a bookstore or favorite restaurant for lunch or some window shopping.
Would you believe you could meet someone who is from your area in another city close by who is also wondering around seeing the sites? See if you can't vistit somewhere you would consider living just in case sparks fly.
Be an extreme tourist and go cross country or overseas. Even if you don't meet the love of your life in your travels, you have great pictures to show them later.
Up the Ante
Walk up to someone who doesn't look hurried and tell them you want to buy them lunch or coffee. Yes, women too! You could actually be more on the sly and tip a barista extra to ask the gentleman or lady if they would like a warmer on their coffee and a pastry.
You may only get a thank you, but who knows you may drinking coffee or eating lunch with them on a regular basis!
Resisting Rebounds
Being a rebound rarely ever works!
What can you do to be practical and not get your heart trampled on?
Two things, wait until later or resist the rebound!
Resisting the Rebound
How do you know when you are a rebound?
First you need to subtly investigate a persons dating history. Flat out ask them! When was the last relationship you were in? How long did it last?
In conversation they will drop you hints about this person and refer to them by name. Yes, by name! Probably not over the healing process quite yet so you may want to proceed with caution.
Ask, Ask, Ask
When was the last time you volunteered personal information?
Ask them "Do you hope to be with them again in the future?" You can figure out the answer to that one on your own. Depending on what you are looking for, do you want to be temporary or permanent?
It's ok to ask them how much contact they have with their ex. Especially if they were a big impact on their life. You can differentiate how influential an ex was to someone and when the two of them were idly passing time. Find out!
The questions to ask are "How did you get into such and such a hobby?" It's ok if the former flame introduced them to the idea but if the topic revolves around how great the ex is doing whatever it is they are doing, again, they are on the rebound.
Timing
If you overlook this part you will enter a world of hurt for yourself.
Did they break up with an ex to start dating you? Were the two of you together before they were broken up?
Ironically time is not what most people think. Some people can drop an ex in a matter of weeks, it's whats called "checking out." They are present in body but not in spirit.
For others years will not put a dent in the way they feel about someone. Two years can go by. Obviously the chances of making a relationship work are better for you but they are not a tell tale sign if they are over their ex or not.
It's ok if they complain about a past lover as long as they don't go into too much detail. It's a delicate balance between your being self assured and there intent in revealing the issue.
Engagement
Not an engagement for marriage but being engaged in life.
Do you belong in their life? Do they make an effort to include you in their daily routine? Out with friends? Important functions?
Are they AWOL day and by weeks end are emotionally sponging off you? You are their security pillow when no other is around. They want to go through the motions of the last relationship they had but that person is not in the picture anymore.
Out of the blue do you get a phone call that they will be around the ex for a bit because the two of them are helping each other out with a problem?
That is what you are supposed to be there for. If they seek it elsewhere, especially with an ex, think about where your heart is and mabye back off from what you were expecting or from what you really wanted.
Moving On
The best way to create space or break up with anyone that you really like and hold no contempt for is tell them:
"The timing is not right for us/me/you right now. Maybe we should try this at a later date and see what happens. Call me in the future and see if I am available."
Let them call you. They will know when they are over with the previous relationship. Don't fall for the trap of being the fall guy or girl. That is the crutch until the heart heals.
Start all over again in the dating process and take it slow. Investigate if you think it will be worth it to move on with this person and take it to the next level.
What can you do to be practical and not get your heart trampled on?
Two things, wait until later or resist the rebound!
Resisting the Rebound
How do you know when you are a rebound?
First you need to subtly investigate a persons dating history. Flat out ask them! When was the last relationship you were in? How long did it last?
In conversation they will drop you hints about this person and refer to them by name. Yes, by name! Probably not over the healing process quite yet so you may want to proceed with caution.
Ask, Ask, Ask
When was the last time you volunteered personal information?
Ask them "Do you hope to be with them again in the future?" You can figure out the answer to that one on your own. Depending on what you are looking for, do you want to be temporary or permanent?
It's ok to ask them how much contact they have with their ex. Especially if they were a big impact on their life. You can differentiate how influential an ex was to someone and when the two of them were idly passing time. Find out!
The questions to ask are "How did you get into such and such a hobby?" It's ok if the former flame introduced them to the idea but if the topic revolves around how great the ex is doing whatever it is they are doing, again, they are on the rebound.
Timing
If you overlook this part you will enter a world of hurt for yourself.
Did they break up with an ex to start dating you? Were the two of you together before they were broken up?
Ironically time is not what most people think. Some people can drop an ex in a matter of weeks, it's whats called "checking out." They are present in body but not in spirit.
For others years will not put a dent in the way they feel about someone. Two years can go by. Obviously the chances of making a relationship work are better for you but they are not a tell tale sign if they are over their ex or not.
It's ok if they complain about a past lover as long as they don't go into too much detail. It's a delicate balance between your being self assured and there intent in revealing the issue.
Engagement
Not an engagement for marriage but being engaged in life.
Do you belong in their life? Do they make an effort to include you in their daily routine? Out with friends? Important functions?
Are they AWOL day and by weeks end are emotionally sponging off you? You are their security pillow when no other is around. They want to go through the motions of the last relationship they had but that person is not in the picture anymore.
Out of the blue do you get a phone call that they will be around the ex for a bit because the two of them are helping each other out with a problem?
That is what you are supposed to be there for. If they seek it elsewhere, especially with an ex, think about where your heart is and mabye back off from what you were expecting or from what you really wanted.
Moving On
The best way to create space or break up with anyone that you really like and hold no contempt for is tell them:
"The timing is not right for us/me/you right now. Maybe we should try this at a later date and see what happens. Call me in the future and see if I am available."
Let them call you. They will know when they are over with the previous relationship. Don't fall for the trap of being the fall guy or girl. That is the crutch until the heart heals.
Start all over again in the dating process and take it slow. Investigate if you think it will be worth it to move on with this person and take it to the next level.
Never Say Never
When Is A Workplace Relationship Truly Worth All The Risks?
by Rachel G. Baldino, MSW, LCSW
(Reprinted with Permission from the SixWise.com Security & Wellness e-Newsletter)
A generation or two ago, dating in the workplace was quite frowned upon by many people. And in the wake of so many sexual harassment lawsuits, some companies actually have put specific policies in place when it comes to dating at work-policies which, generally speaking, may be advisable to follow by anyone who wants to keep his or her job.
But these days, given how much time many individuals spend at the office, more and more people have become more accepting of the fact that co-workers sometimes date, fall in love, and in some cases, even end up getting married.
To give you a sense of just how accepting many people now are about the idea of people dating in the workplace, the editors at the relationship website Lovingyou.com conducted a survey in which they found that an overwhelming 75% of respondents contend that it is perfectly fine to date a co-worker (as long as the relationship does not interfere with either individual's job performance).
Now, the other 25% of their survey respondents sang a very different tune ... and not without reason.
In fact, among the one fourth of respondents who did not think that dating at the office was ever a good idea, their primary concern was the potentially disruptive nature of a workplace break-up.
After all, if two people who work very closely together make the decision to get romantically involved, not only are they taking all the standard personal risks that come with entering a new relationship (opening up one's heart, making oneself emotionally vulnerable, etc.), but they are also taking significant professional risks as well, in the sense that they could be placing their careers (as well as the careers of their colleagues/dating partners in potential jeopardy).
Dating "Above" or "Below" You
While dating someone at work can clearly be very risky, this particular LovingYou.com article on the subject contains many useful tips about how to have the best possible workplace dating experience.
Dating a co-worker can be risky, but some people do so, in spite of all the risks.
And notably, the article also mentions that nearly a third of the people who responded to the survey had either married their co-workers, or they were still dating those individuals at the time that they participated in the survey.
One area that can get quite tricky, according to this article and others, is dating someone who is not a colleague at your exact same level within the company, but rather dating someone who is either your boss or your employee. This situation actually can work out, but it can also present both dating partners with yet another set of personal and professional challenges.
For instance, if there is an active "rumor mill" at your office many people may start to gossip about the situation ... and perhaps not in a terribly flattering way.
Even if the two people involved make every possible effort to behave professionally at all times, and work very hard not to allow their romantic relationship to interfere with any of their work responsibilities, they may have to accept with the possibility that not everyone in the company will approve of their union.
Therefore, knowing the sometimes insidious nature of workplace gossip, it can often be in everyone's best interest not to discuss such a relationship with anyone at the office unless the relationship becomes very serious.
Another potential complication for a manager who dates one of his or her employees is that if things ultimately go sour, the employee may end up-justly or unjustly, depending upon the particular circumstances-accusing the manager of sexual harassment.
This particular possibility should put up a big red flag for most managers, because sexual harassments accusations and/or lawsuits can get extremely ugly and messy for everyone involved.
However, having said that, there are times when bosses and employees fall in love and both parties decide that they are willing to take all of the many risks that come with embarking on such a relationship.
Only you can decide for yourself if dating in the workplace is worth all the potential risks.
Beware the Workplace Perceptions
Of course, yet another potential problem with allowing your heart (rather than your mind) to be your guide in the workplace environment is that you may end up being perceived by employees and/or colleagues as foolish, flighty, impulsive, unprofessional, unreliable ... and perhaps even worse.
If you are seriously thinking about dating someone at work, please ask yourself this important question: Is this a person that I could really see myself getting serious with at some point down the road?
If your answer to that question is no, then you truly may want to reconsider.
After all, full-fledged office relationships are one thing. Office flings are a whole other story.
Consider this possible scenario: Two colleagues who have been friends for a while and who feel some mutual physical chemistry get a little tipsy at a party one evening and on a whim decide to go home together. Let's face it: having a one-night-stand with someone you have to face at work day in and day out can truly make things awkward and difficult for both of you for quite a long time.
Given all of the potential problems that can come with dating someone at work, is it ever a worthwhile thing to do?
Well, sometimes, believe it or not, the answer can be "Yes."
So when, exactly, is a workplace relationship worthwhile, despite all of the very real potential risks involved?
1. If you have tried but you simply can't get the person out of your mind, and you think you may be falling head over heels in love.
2. If the other person feels exactly the same way you feel.
3. If you both can continue to behave totally professionally in the office at all times ... no matter what is going on in the context of your romantic relationship at any given moment.
4. This one is a biggie, and it is alluded to in the informative LovingYou.com article that I cited above: As unromantic as this may sound, at the very beginning of the relationship, the two of you must discuss the fact that, despite both of your highest hopes, the relationship could conceivably come to an end. And you both need to agree that if it does end, you will not allow the dissolution of the relationship to affect your job performances in any way.
5. That said, please know that in reality the above suggestion can sometimes be much easier said than done. Given just how terrible a break-up can sometimes feel, one or both of you may ultimately not feel comfortable staying at your current workplace if the relationship does end. In other words, if things don't work out, you could end up feeling compelled to give up a job that you enjoy very much and/or need to hang onto from a purely financial perspective, a possibility that should serve as yet another reminder of just how high the stakes can be when it comes to dating relationships in the workplace.
Recommended Reading:
Are You Being Bullied At Work?
Why Networking Is Your Golden Key To A Better Life
You Really Can Die From A Broken Heart
Bachleorhood: The Silent Epidemic
Normally I don't mention other books, authors or sites but today will be different.
The silent epidemic is a funny new ad campaign for Match.com which I thought was rather clever. Match.com is good but Intimate Adults is better! Simply you will find less people that you have seen on every other dating site in your area. It cost less too!
Here is one of the most accurate articles I have read about dating on MSN in a long time.
It was written by two, count em, two men!
I couldn't agree more with what they are saying and their article isn't just about men who are or are not ready to settle down. It has to do with a certain amount of maturity and how living life will get you there.
It is similar to an article I wrote about red flags to watch out for and what you should take into consideration before proceeding with a romantic interest be you a man or a woman.
Here are the articles:
MSN
Is it Out of His System?
Their book is-- Die Happy: 499 Things Every Guy's Gotta Do While He Still Can
By Tim Burke and Micheal Burke
The silent epidemic is a funny new ad campaign for Match.com which I thought was rather clever. Match.com is good but Intimate Adults is better! Simply you will find less people that you have seen on every other dating site in your area. It cost less too!
Here is one of the most accurate articles I have read about dating on MSN in a long time.
It was written by two, count em, two men!
I couldn't agree more with what they are saying and their article isn't just about men who are or are not ready to settle down. It has to do with a certain amount of maturity and how living life will get you there.
It is similar to an article I wrote about red flags to watch out for and what you should take into consideration before proceeding with a romantic interest be you a man or a woman.
Here are the articles:
MSN
Is it Out of His System?
Their book is-- Die Happy: 499 Things Every Guy's Gotta Do While He Still Can
By Tim Burke and Micheal Burke
Digital Dater Dating Poll
WOMEN:
When browsing the online
personals do you go out or
respond to last minute dates
with men?
Vote here!
Create a dating poll that we use and get a FREE GMAIL account!
What to Do if this Happens to You
What happens when you call or email someone to make a date and they can never make the time for you? That or they just altogether drop all contact!
Annoying isn't it?
Its a shallow world but the best thing you can do is move on.
There is no rhyme or reason as to why people do not respond other than dating online is so... "no strings attatched" people do not feel the remorse of ditching others.
Alright that happens off line too. Same rules apply. Move on.
Its kind of like the example of using a credit card v. cash. There is no emotional attatchment to making purchases with credit cards. When you pay cash, its a different story. Your way more careful what you do with it because the fact is money is more tangible.
You are better off just forgetting about said flake, not take it personally and go out and have some fun.
(What were some of the reasons why did you didn't return an email or contact with someone you hooked up with (or not) online?)
The Pitfalls of Online Dating
(This article is not for the easily insulted. If the truth is too much for you skip this part and go back to the Focus article. Comments are definintely encouraged.)
It’s a Numbers Game
In short, for men it’s never knowing what you will get because there are not enough quality women dating online. Every one of them cannot be a knockout.
For women, you run the risk of being one of many on the roster for certain guys who “troll” online looking for someone, anyone, who will give them the time of day or use you to idly pass time or for sex.
What Are the Odds?
Online dating is much harder for men. Men are more likely to have access to computers than women. They are more likely to cruise and subscribe and send out the dating vibe on a dating site than women are. They are more driven and focused when it comes to finding a date. Once again, because there are more men, and because they may be looking for a certain type of woman, they are more likely to be rejected.
Men are more open about what they want as well. They know it, and they say it. Women are more logical and emotional and need to see they can trust someone. When they see the trust, they then need a reason to follow through with a date.
It’s a Woman’s World
Women usually have their pick in the dating world. In general men suffer from rejection much more often than women when it comes to dating.
How about online?
You bet. Whether women know it or not, they definitely have their pick and not the other way around. They have absolute power and absolute power corrupts! Women are outnumbered and literally get anywhere from 10 to 100 emails a day. What an ego boost!
But that is where the corruption comes in.
Some women will answer an email just to be polite, because women at times have a hard time saying no.
Additionally, in order to keep the masses of men entertained and morale high, there needs to be a lot of women online. Fake women even! For every 3 men who date online there are two women. One is probably an model posing for and advertisment!
The Secret is Out
For men and women the least of their worries should be people who are married (although not advised) legally seperated or who have children—There are plenty of other sterotypes that need to be avoided!
Red Flags For Men to Look For:
-Continually being turned down after asking for several dates (chicks just don’t know how to say no). Women who make a lot of excuses like they were busy, they have plans or another date, they forgot, email was down, and so on. Save yourself some agony. They are what breakfast cereals are made of; flakes.
If they sound sincere in their apology and arrange another meeting time, that is a bit more permissible. Life happens and plans change.
I'll give girls a break. Myself, I had to literally ask serveral men how to tell a man without crushing him that I wasn't interested. What a funny question. I didn't know. Now I do and some men don't like that answer still.
Point blank you tell them: I'm not interested.
Men, don't try this with women it's totally different!
Some more red flags...
-Women who lead you to a website that has a membership. Not women at all but so-called business men in disguise.
If they really are women:
-The lowest of the low, women who go on dating sites to bait and switch. They act like they are looking for romance, hook you and then try to sell you something. Anything! There are also women who are looking for someone to take them to dinner or a club on a regular basis just to pass time, save money, show you off to their friends or are waiting until their ex-boyfriend comes and hits them up for a booty call. This is a step above street walker. Don’t walk. Run. Unless of course you need a last minute date or romp. In that situation, these kind of girls are perfect.
-Women who need attention and are just after that ego boost. (See “makes excuses.”)
-Women who just broke up with their ex’s just weeks before. Probably the other way around and they got dumped for a reason. This can happen in the case of men as well. Terrible to say men are more likely to jump online and start looking for a hookup sooner than women will when a relationship ends. Woman are more likely to find a temporary boyfriend until the old one comes back. Men are more likely to go online for a new permanent girlfriend.
Red Flags For Women:
-The ever popular dick pic! Boys will be boys but they are just looking for attention. Even negative attention. Anything will do. If you decide to be daring that's fine, but what you see is probably the only what you will get.
-A profile that contains defamatory comments about the opposite gender. Avoid these men like the plague. They will also try and tell you how it is going to be: They make the rules and the rules always work out in their favor despite what you think. It is never win-win. To them, all women love assholes!
Their self-esteem is in the gutter and they will try to tell you that yours is too! They are toxic and should be avoided.
-A man’s favorite game is to hold back to keep you interested. This is a player’s game that will always backfire. The saying is we long for what we cannot have or absense makes the heart grow fonder. Not after a few dates! After you get to know someone it is still not appropriate to distance yourself, and yes you miss your honey more.
(Note: this is not a game but human nature when it comes to women. When a woman is not receiving the affection she needs (a female’s need for affection is the equivelant of sex to a guy), this causes a natural form of distress and she distances herself UNINTENTIONALLY. It’s her natural instinct to do so. You cannot argue with hard-wiring.
Men know how it feels to be distanced. So in turn they think this is a tactic that will work to their advantage. But when you distance yourself from a woman, the only ones who will run back are the needy. A smart woman will just walk away until the guy comes around—that is if he is serious, or if she hasn’t already moved on.)
-Guys who ask for last minute dates or are traveling from out of town looking for a hookup.
Someone stood them up or cancelled and you are just next in line to either turn them down or meet up for cocktails. You are just a back up.
If they travel a lot, once they get to know you they don't have to book a hotel anymore. Why would they?
Other Red Flags For Both Genders:
-Credit cards to access information or a profile.
-You suspect a person is married. They want to see you all the time but make up excuses why they can’t. All their spare time is devoted to you so it seems they are not married or in a relationship at all. Just ask them if your gut tells you something is off. The truth will surface.
-Does not want to exchange pictures. This kind of person, both man and woman, if they insist are too self conscious or is into game playing so just walk away.
-If you suspect a person has children and they don’t tell you. Think about if you are after a fling or not. That is all they might be looking for or they don't trust you enough to share that kind of information with you yet.
If they are not serious about you, just have fun if that is all you are looking for. If they want to take the relationship to the next level, they will bring up their personal and family life. If it’s not something you want, just ask or tell them that you want to know the truth. Stay or go, your choice.
(Please send me your “red flags” and keep online dating safe, fun and for people in the know.)
info@dynamicsofdating.com
It’s a Numbers Game
In short, for men it’s never knowing what you will get because there are not enough quality women dating online. Every one of them cannot be a knockout.
For women, you run the risk of being one of many on the roster for certain guys who “troll” online looking for someone, anyone, who will give them the time of day or use you to idly pass time or for sex.
What Are the Odds?
Online dating is much harder for men. Men are more likely to have access to computers than women. They are more likely to cruise and subscribe and send out the dating vibe on a dating site than women are. They are more driven and focused when it comes to finding a date. Once again, because there are more men, and because they may be looking for a certain type of woman, they are more likely to be rejected.
Men are more open about what they want as well. They know it, and they say it. Women are more logical and emotional and need to see they can trust someone. When they see the trust, they then need a reason to follow through with a date.
It’s a Woman’s World
Women usually have their pick in the dating world. In general men suffer from rejection much more often than women when it comes to dating.
How about online?
You bet. Whether women know it or not, they definitely have their pick and not the other way around. They have absolute power and absolute power corrupts! Women are outnumbered and literally get anywhere from 10 to 100 emails a day. What an ego boost!
But that is where the corruption comes in.
Some women will answer an email just to be polite, because women at times have a hard time saying no.
Additionally, in order to keep the masses of men entertained and morale high, there needs to be a lot of women online. Fake women even! For every 3 men who date online there are two women. One is probably an model posing for and advertisment!
The Secret is Out
For men and women the least of their worries should be people who are married (although not advised) legally seperated or who have children—There are plenty of other sterotypes that need to be avoided!
Red Flags For Men to Look For:
-Continually being turned down after asking for several dates (chicks just don’t know how to say no). Women who make a lot of excuses like they were busy, they have plans or another date, they forgot, email was down, and so on. Save yourself some agony. They are what breakfast cereals are made of; flakes.
If they sound sincere in their apology and arrange another meeting time, that is a bit more permissible. Life happens and plans change.
I'll give girls a break. Myself, I had to literally ask serveral men how to tell a man without crushing him that I wasn't interested. What a funny question. I didn't know. Now I do and some men don't like that answer still.
Point blank you tell them: I'm not interested.
Men, don't try this with women it's totally different!
Some more red flags...
-Women who lead you to a website that has a membership. Not women at all but so-called business men in disguise.
If they really are women:
-The lowest of the low, women who go on dating sites to bait and switch. They act like they are looking for romance, hook you and then try to sell you something. Anything! There are also women who are looking for someone to take them to dinner or a club on a regular basis just to pass time, save money, show you off to their friends or are waiting until their ex-boyfriend comes and hits them up for a booty call. This is a step above street walker. Don’t walk. Run. Unless of course you need a last minute date or romp. In that situation, these kind of girls are perfect.
-Women who need attention and are just after that ego boost. (See “makes excuses.”)
-Women who just broke up with their ex’s just weeks before. Probably the other way around and they got dumped for a reason. This can happen in the case of men as well. Terrible to say men are more likely to jump online and start looking for a hookup sooner than women will when a relationship ends. Woman are more likely to find a temporary boyfriend until the old one comes back. Men are more likely to go online for a new permanent girlfriend.
Red Flags For Women:
-The ever popular dick pic! Boys will be boys but they are just looking for attention. Even negative attention. Anything will do. If you decide to be daring that's fine, but what you see is probably the only what you will get.
-A profile that contains defamatory comments about the opposite gender. Avoid these men like the plague. They will also try and tell you how it is going to be: They make the rules and the rules always work out in their favor despite what you think. It is never win-win. To them, all women love assholes!
Their self-esteem is in the gutter and they will try to tell you that yours is too! They are toxic and should be avoided.
-A man’s favorite game is to hold back to keep you interested. This is a player’s game that will always backfire. The saying is we long for what we cannot have or absense makes the heart grow fonder. Not after a few dates! After you get to know someone it is still not appropriate to distance yourself, and yes you miss your honey more.
(Note: this is not a game but human nature when it comes to women. When a woman is not receiving the affection she needs (a female’s need for affection is the equivelant of sex to a guy), this causes a natural form of distress and she distances herself UNINTENTIONALLY. It’s her natural instinct to do so. You cannot argue with hard-wiring.
Men know how it feels to be distanced. So in turn they think this is a tactic that will work to their advantage. But when you distance yourself from a woman, the only ones who will run back are the needy. A smart woman will just walk away until the guy comes around—that is if he is serious, or if she hasn’t already moved on.)
-Guys who ask for last minute dates or are traveling from out of town looking for a hookup.
Someone stood them up or cancelled and you are just next in line to either turn them down or meet up for cocktails. You are just a back up.
If they travel a lot, once they get to know you they don't have to book a hotel anymore. Why would they?
Other Red Flags For Both Genders:
-Credit cards to access information or a profile.
-You suspect a person is married. They want to see you all the time but make up excuses why they can’t. All their spare time is devoted to you so it seems they are not married or in a relationship at all. Just ask them if your gut tells you something is off. The truth will surface.
-Does not want to exchange pictures. This kind of person, both man and woman, if they insist are too self conscious or is into game playing so just walk away.
-If you suspect a person has children and they don’t tell you. Think about if you are after a fling or not. That is all they might be looking for or they don't trust you enough to share that kind of information with you yet.
If they are not serious about you, just have fun if that is all you are looking for. If they want to take the relationship to the next level, they will bring up their personal and family life. If it’s not something you want, just ask or tell them that you want to know the truth. Stay or go, your choice.
(Please send me your “red flags” and keep online dating safe, fun and for people in the know.)
info@dynamicsofdating.com
How Does Online Dating Work For You?
Myth: Online Dating Does Not Work
You have heard it before and may even say it yourself:
Online dating just doesn’t work.
I would have to agree for the most part that it does not work for everyone. But there are some obvious success stories out there that I would love to hear about. I’m sure others would love to hear about your experiences too.
So if you’re cynical about the process “working” why not just make online dating work for you?
They say the best love happens when you least expect it.
You may be pleasantly surprised when you get something really good when you least expected it. Take online dating for an example!
Just like in the real world you have to narrow your scope while still casting your net wide.
More than anything, you need to get out and forget about dating and work on you. Yes this can be achieved when dating online.
Go out to places that you enjoy, join classes, open your mind.
Read more, read less, listen to music more, don’t listen to music, watch bad TV, don’t watch TV at all.
Volunteer. Switch jobs. Move.
Even just hanging out with your friends will help tremendously and ditching the ones you don't need in your life will be even better.
Another point about friends is to always be on your best behavior.
I met a great guy online but he just couldn't get past his negative issues with women. If he had also turned off the inner dialogue and not made comments about every single person in public, I could have hooked him up with some girlfriends of mine.
You live. You learn.
Work on you first.
You never know, the person you least expected to be your true love may be online—in the least possible place you expected.
(Please email me your sucess stories from online dating whether it was just friends, a long term romance or marriage!)
You have heard it before and may even say it yourself:
Online dating just doesn’t work.
I would have to agree for the most part that it does not work for everyone. But there are some obvious success stories out there that I would love to hear about. I’m sure others would love to hear about your experiences too.
So if you’re cynical about the process “working” why not just make online dating work for you?
They say the best love happens when you least expect it.
You may be pleasantly surprised when you get something really good when you least expected it. Take online dating for an example!
Just like in the real world you have to narrow your scope while still casting your net wide.
More than anything, you need to get out and forget about dating and work on you. Yes this can be achieved when dating online.
Go out to places that you enjoy, join classes, open your mind.
Read more, read less, listen to music more, don’t listen to music, watch bad TV, don’t watch TV at all.
Volunteer. Switch jobs. Move.
Even just hanging out with your friends will help tremendously and ditching the ones you don't need in your life will be even better.
Another point about friends is to always be on your best behavior.
I met a great guy online but he just couldn't get past his negative issues with women. If he had also turned off the inner dialogue and not made comments about every single person in public, I could have hooked him up with some girlfriends of mine.
You live. You learn.
Work on you first.
You never know, the person you least expected to be your true love may be online—in the least possible place you expected.
(Please email me your sucess stories from online dating whether it was just friends, a long term romance or marriage!)
Online Dating Profile Series
The Successful Profile
-Truth in Advertising
The Successful Profile Redux
-Guidlines for Your PC
-Attention!
The Successful Profile lll
-Do's & Donts for the Ladies
-Too Much Make Up
-Big Hair
-Clothes Don't Fit Quite Right
-Unflattering Poses
-Too Much Information! (Don't Show Your Butt!)
The Successful Profile lV
-Tips on Pics for the Guys
-Hats
-You and Your Ex With Her Face Scribbled Out
-I Wasn't Expecting a Package
-Beer Cans, Cigs, Socks, the Middle Finger and Blow Up Dolls
-No Shirt, No Service
A Fool Proof Method to Getting Your Email Noticed
-Preferences
-Location
-Description & Interest
-Got Pics?
-Truth in Advertising
The Successful Profile Redux
-Guidlines for Your PC
-Attention!
The Successful Profile lll
-Do's & Donts for the Ladies
-Too Much Make Up
-Big Hair
-Clothes Don't Fit Quite Right
-Unflattering Poses
-Too Much Information! (Don't Show Your Butt!)
The Successful Profile lV
-Tips on Pics for the Guys
-Hats
-You and Your Ex With Her Face Scribbled Out
-I Wasn't Expecting a Package
-Beer Cans, Cigs, Socks, the Middle Finger and Blow Up Dolls
-No Shirt, No Service
A Fool Proof Method to Getting Your Email Noticed
-Preferences
-Location
-Description & Interest
-Got Pics?
Dating Rules!
Universal Dating Regulations and Bylaws
This is a hilarious book but is the authority of when, how and who to date.
It even answers the mysterious questions of who pays for a date and when you should or shouldn't have sex!
This is a hilarious book but is the authority of when, how and who to date.
It even answers the mysterious questions of who pays for a date and when you should or shouldn't have sex!
Digital Dater Discussion
The easiest by far! I started a discussion on the ever popular Craigslist.
Please use this as a comments area in regards to blog posts or general discussion.
Here is the link:
Go to the Online Dating Forum
Please use this as a comments area in regards to blog posts or general discussion.
Here is the link:
Go to the Online Dating Forum
A Foolproof Method to Getting Your Email Noticed
How many emails have you sent out and you don't get any response?
I'm sure you have heard that women can get up to 150 to 200 emails in a 24 hour period and men only get 2 or 3 for every now and then.
There are four rules to think about when replying to personals ads:
1) Do you fit her preferences? Age, height, LTR, NSA, kids no kids, healthy, non-drinker, non-smoker, etc.
2) Do you live close to the area that they are in or do you travel to that location on a regular basis?
3) Do you give a description of yourself or do you just type the words "holla back" or simply say "your pic gets mine" or "hello"?
4) Did you remember to send a picture of yourself?
All people ask for is that a others be sensitive to their preferences, and are within a reasonable distance or willing to travel.
You should give them a description about yourself. What are some thinks that you like and or prefer, or make some comments on the recipiants post and the all important task of sending them a picture of yourself.
It's really quite simple.
This article has been helpful to many so far so I am excited for you all!
Side note:
-Once a womans replys are reduced, then and only then can they start reading and replying to emails instead of spending time sending them all to the trash.
-If the profile looks too good to be true, don't be surprised if you get an email asking you to join a dating site! They are not real.
Take care everyone and happy online-dating!
Also see:
The Successful Profile Redux
The Successful Profile lll
The Successful Profile lV
I'm sure you have heard that women can get up to 150 to 200 emails in a 24 hour period and men only get 2 or 3 for every now and then.
There are four rules to think about when replying to personals ads:
1) Do you fit her preferences? Age, height, LTR, NSA, kids no kids, healthy, non-drinker, non-smoker, etc.
2) Do you live close to the area that they are in or do you travel to that location on a regular basis?
3) Do you give a description of yourself or do you just type the words "holla back" or simply say "your pic gets mine" or "hello"?
4) Did you remember to send a picture of yourself?
All people ask for is that a others be sensitive to their preferences, and are within a reasonable distance or willing to travel.
You should give them a description about yourself. What are some thinks that you like and or prefer, or make some comments on the recipiants post and the all important task of sending them a picture of yourself.
It's really quite simple.
This article has been helpful to many so far so I am excited for you all!
Side note:
-Once a womans replys are reduced, then and only then can they start reading and replying to emails instead of spending time sending them all to the trash.
-If the profile looks too good to be true, don't be surprised if you get an email asking you to join a dating site! They are not real.
Take care everyone and happy online-dating!
Also see:
The Successful Profile Redux
The Successful Profile lll
The Successful Profile lV
Seattle deemed #1 one city to hookup in the US
There is an article in the Seattle PI today and a little company who makes personal hygiene products for men did a survey and conclude that:
Seattle is the best city in the US for the hook up!
Ok I have devised my own poll and split it up for a yes or no from both men and women just to see the results.
Vote at the poll here!
Seattle is the best city in the US for the hook up!
Ok I have devised my own poll and split it up for a yes or no from both men and women just to see the results.
Vote at the poll here!
Dutch Explained
Yeah I pull my hair out on this one too. Not to boast but I have never had a problem with it. Trying to decide and explain and take sides really sucks but I did have an observation that you can read in 'Dutch for Ladies and Gentleman'. Notice the title. If this does not apply to you don't worry about it then.
Who should pick up the tab on the first date?
Vote here!
Explain your version of dutch to me.
info@dynamicsofdating.com
Who should pick up the tab on the first date?
Vote here!
Explain your version of dutch to me.
info@dynamicsofdating.com
What do you want?
This is a Trick Question
You're at your favorite dating site clicking profile after profile and notice these little lists and criteria that almost everyone has.
Some are over the top and some are of no mention whatsoever.
Here is and add I posted in a popular dating site which asks:
What do you want?
Most ads I see nowadays are about what the poster wants.
What do you want? Email me a pic and I'll tell you if I've got what you want.
No dick pics please. And don't tell me you want a girl who likes dick pics.
All dick pics will be reported.
I was open an honest about my approach. I wanted guys to tell me what they wanted. What I did not want were dick pics. I only received two pictures of guys who pointed out their names were Dick out of the 55 responses I have received so far.
Not one guy said they wanted a woman who was skinny, a manx in the sack or a woman to take care of their every need. Nor did they mention college education or financial independence.
They did all more or less have the same answer: a lasting relationship.
All in all there was one that I wanted to respond to and didn't because he stated he did not want to live with a girlfriend. Oh well. He sure had a nice picture.
Back to the trick question part.
There is a right answer to this question and it is the basis for any relationship whether you are a man or a woman.
If you think you know what the right answer is send me an email with your reply and the city you are in.
When it comes to a relationship what do you want?
You're at your favorite dating site clicking profile after profile and notice these little lists and criteria that almost everyone has.
Some are over the top and some are of no mention whatsoever.
Here is and add I posted in a popular dating site which asks:
What do you want?
Most ads I see nowadays are about what the poster wants.
What do you want? Email me a pic and I'll tell you if I've got what you want.
No dick pics please. And don't tell me you want a girl who likes dick pics.
All dick pics will be reported.
I was open an honest about my approach. I wanted guys to tell me what they wanted. What I did not want were dick pics. I only received two pictures of guys who pointed out their names were Dick out of the 55 responses I have received so far.
Not one guy said they wanted a woman who was skinny, a manx in the sack or a woman to take care of their every need. Nor did they mention college education or financial independence.
They did all more or less have the same answer: a lasting relationship.
All in all there was one that I wanted to respond to and didn't because he stated he did not want to live with a girlfriend. Oh well. He sure had a nice picture.
Back to the trick question part.
There is a right answer to this question and it is the basis for any relationship whether you are a man or a woman.
If you think you know what the right answer is send me an email with your reply and the city you are in.
When it comes to a relationship what do you want?
More Dating Rules to Break
There's more?
Yes. Three more.
-Men Love Bitches
-There Are Plenty of Fish In the Sea
-Asking Your Friends for Feedback
Do you have a dating rule that you think should be broken?
Let us know so we can pass it on!
info@dynamicsofdating.com
Yes. Three more.
-Men Love Bitches
-There Are Plenty of Fish In the Sea
-Asking Your Friends for Feedback
Do you have a dating rule that you think should be broken?
Let us know so we can pass it on!
info@dynamicsofdating.com
Breaking All The Rules
Do you ever wonder what is going through the minds of some people?
There are dating rules that run rampant in the dating world that just need to go away!
MYTH: MEN AND WOMEN CAN BE "JUST FRIENDS"
This is a debate. I don't know the answer and don't care. It's case by case. You obviously don't want to hang around with someone who is single and be their surrogate mate whether you are spoken for or not. Some people can just be friends. The less mature two people are the less likely they will stay 'just friends'.
Being married or in relationship with someone else is no exception.
If you put a man and a woman in a situation where they continually doing friendly type things...if there is some sort of attraction, depending, someone is going to buckle or already has.
For someone to think its possible to hang out with the opposite sex and get away with it and just being friendly, they are disregarding that other people have feelings too.
What other reason would someone want to just "hang out" with someone?
To get to know them better and possibly have a romantic interlude or relationship, maybe?
Yes there are acceptable factors when two people of the opposite sex can "work" together and like I said it has to do with maturity.
Would you not be floored if you were married and your so-called friend spilled their guts and was wondering when you were going to dump your spouse for them? True stories.
Use your discrection and most importantly look out for the feelings of other people.
There are dating rules that run rampant in the dating world that just need to go away!
MYTH: MEN AND WOMEN CAN BE "JUST FRIENDS"
This is a debate. I don't know the answer and don't care. It's case by case. You obviously don't want to hang around with someone who is single and be their surrogate mate whether you are spoken for or not. Some people can just be friends. The less mature two people are the less likely they will stay 'just friends'.
Being married or in relationship with someone else is no exception.
If you put a man and a woman in a situation where they continually doing friendly type things...if there is some sort of attraction, depending, someone is going to buckle or already has.
For someone to think its possible to hang out with the opposite sex and get away with it and just being friendly, they are disregarding that other people have feelings too.
What other reason would someone want to just "hang out" with someone?
To get to know them better and possibly have a romantic interlude or relationship, maybe?
Yes there are acceptable factors when two people of the opposite sex can "work" together and like I said it has to do with maturity.
Would you not be floored if you were married and your so-called friend spilled their guts and was wondering when you were going to dump your spouse for them? True stories.
Use your discrection and most importantly look out for the feelings of other people.
MYTH: THE SOONER YOU SLEEP WITH SOMEONE, THE MORE YOUR CHANCES FOR SOMETHING LONG TERM ARE DIMINISHED
Who made up this rule?
Men probably did and it may be true in some cases and false in others.
What I hear most is that people have seen it happen. That is because they wanted it that way!
"A girl slept with me on the second date and now I don't respect her."
But the third date would be ok right? See how this is silly?
Men who accept this rule set themselves up and allow women to use sex as a bargaining chip.
Would you pass up a great relationship because someone lived in the heat of the moment?
Would you pass up a date with someone you were really interested in because they didn't want to have sex right away?
To follow this rule is asinine and brings me to the next rule to abolish.
MYTH: A WOMAN SHOULD PUT OUT IN THREE DATES OR SHE IS HISTORY
This has to do with giving people the benefit of the doubt. Is this a good idea or not?
But there are some factors that do not ensue sex by date three.
--You missed her signals.
She has been eyeing you all night, touching you, giving off sexual signals to no end--
And you just sit there being polite. Even a gentleman would know what to do!
He would take her NOW!
Go back to the previous rule so you can see how silly it really is.
(Ridiculous side note: You know what a weird feeling it is for a woman to tell someone they didn't know that well that they were on their period? It kinda spoils the moment. Not only that, with all the restrictions men have it gives a woman a perfect excuse to use that line too!
Try holding out until the fourth date and longer if you can!)
MYTH: ITS BAD TO WEAR YOUR HEART ON YOUR SLEEVE
I want all hearts visable so I know what I am dealing with. You may judge or not judge or be turned off or not. That is up to you. Sometimes it can be a red flag and other times it is completely innocent.
MYTH: MEN WHO DON'T CALL RIGHT AWAY ARE NOT INTERESTED
First things first girls: get a hobby.
Take up anything that will keep you away from the phone.
You are not allowed to sit next to the phone and wait for anyone to call. They will call when they call if they ever do.
The main reason men don't call right away is because they do like you and don't want to screw up their chances and seem too eager. Or sadly they really aren't interested.
Ever notice how some clingy call all the time? Then they wonder why you never call them back!
They too are passing time because they have nothing going on.
There are no guidelines as to wether you should call first or not. If you feel you want to call him do it!
If you call and a guys says..."Oh I was busy"...more than likely he is not interested. You need to weigh the 'terms benefit of the doubt' and 'doormat' very carefully.
An interested person would drop what he is doing to get in touch with you. He would not leave you to wonder if he is going to call, but you should not be wondering because you have a new hobby right?
If he is the kind of person who is into playing games and says "She called me...she just lost some points." and they think they have one over on you, you could be in trouble.
Or they really aren't playing games but are chronic procrastinators (See above: Giving the benefit of the doubt) and just don't call, don't feel too bad if things don't work out.
These people are doing you a favor!
MYTH: NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE LET THE GUY DO SO
This good friends is an art.
There are subtle ways to make the first move without the guy even knowing it!
Instantly he is interested!
If he picks up on the bait he is a smart man.
You can give him all the credit later on how he was so forward in the way he handled you when you first met.
The flip side to this is if you find that you are chasing him he will do two things: Run fast and far
-or-
hook up with you because he has nothing going on or no one else is interested in him.
That is a dynamic that cannot be ignored.
If you are ok with the second scenario pursue away. It is an art don't forget and you don't need to pursue.
If you are looking for something a little more real, its best not to wear your heart on your sleeve especially to a person who is oblivious or just not interested.
A man who knows how to handle women is the one who will be pursuing you!
Bring Back a Lost Love
An online friend turned me on to this invaluable book!
What does it have to do with online dating? Everything! For one thing it is an ebook, and two
if you are using online dating as a tool to hook up with a rebound you may not be over someone else you loved yet. Did you not get the chance to do everything you could to avoid a break up? Its never too late and you never know until you try.
Good luck!
What does it have to do with online dating? Everything! For one thing it is an ebook, and two
if you are using online dating as a tool to hook up with a rebound you may not be over someone else you loved yet. Did you not get the chance to do everything you could to avoid a break up? Its never too late and you never know until you try.
Good luck!
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